10. Chemo Day One
As everything happened so fast I didn’t really have much time to think about the day. It was only two weeks since I was diagnosed. So, what was I going to have with me in my bag? I was going to be on my own during the treatment, due to COVID restrictions which were still in place, no-one was allowed to come in with me. From the conversation it seemed the treatment might last about 3-4 hours. So how do I pass the time - phone, headphones, a book? Although I’m not a reader I thought a book might help pass the time. I was told I would get an injection (phesgo, targeted treatment for HER2+) into my leg, so I brought shorts. A notebook, I write in my journal to help me process things going on around me. Pen. Water. A sandwich. My folder full of leaflets and cancer information, full of my new world.
Up we got, day one, one day! This was day one! Paschal took Bella for her walk and we had arranged for my parents to be with her during the day. We had breakfast and headed on our way. I decided to do a chemo playlist. A memory. This was something I was planning on only experiencing once, so I wanted the memories, I wanted to be able to relive the feeling and, for me, music allows that to happen. I got good luck messages and a friend sent me a candle GIF, the first of many. As the treatments and appointments continued the array of candle images I got from her grew and the numbers of candles increased. It was a good job it was only images of candles she was sending as she would’ve burned down a small community otherwise!
We arrived to Derry and into the Cancer centre. I checked in at reception and we took a seat and waited. First things first, observations, weight, height and blood pressure. Then I had another wait to be called to see my oncologist. He checked in with me how I was doing and let me know that my bloods were ok - they were taken the last day when I was up in Derry for my education session. He asked about medication and if I’d started my steroids, which I had done the day before and was feeling pretty perky as a result. And of course my boob was checked. Check in was done and a time slot was given for when I was to go for my treatment. I had about an hour to spare.
The previous day I remembered I hadn’t contacted the person about a wig. I telephoned and explained I was due to go to Derry the next day. The hairdresser asked me to send a photo of myself and said she’d try to match a wig to my own hair. I was told to visit her the next day and it would be sorted.
The calm before the storm! - taken the day before chemo started.
I used my spare hour to go to the hairdresser. We arrived and we waited for the appointment, but I was becoming anxious as time was ticking on and getting closer to my first chemo session. When the hairdresser came out I said that maybe I should come back as I didn’t want to be late for chemo. She looked at me straight on and, in the best way, told me to settle myself, it’d be ok. We were in with her for about 20 mins during which time I tried on about 4 wigs. The hairdresser searched her room, on shelves and in suitcases, for the actual wig she had chosen for me. While she was searching she tried a few different wigs on me, each one worse looking than the one before. There was nothing wrong with the wigs, but they just didn’t suit me. I didn’t take it too seriously, we laughed at them and talked about maybe going for something completely different, something short or curly, my hair was poker straight. While trying on the wigs the hairdresser continued to look for the one she’d chosen for me. She described it saying it was one that was closest to my hair colour and style and she could trim it, or cut it, to what I would want. Eventually she found it and popped it on. She was a genuinely lovely woman and said if she hadn’t found it she wouldn’t have slept that night worrying about it. She said she realised how important hair was for people and she wanted to do her best for them. The wig she had for me was so close to my hair in every way, it was even better than my own hair. If I was going to wear a wig, I would’ve been more than happy to wear this, but at that stage I wasn’t going to wear one. However, I thought I’d take it with me in case I changed my mind.
Wig no.1 - it wasn’t for me!
Wig no.2 - not a bad contender
THE wig! This was very like my own hair, only better!
And so the treatment starts! A face of fear!
We left and went back to the Cancer centre. Well here it was, this was it! My name was called. In I went, through the double doors to the treatment room. It was exactly as I had seen it a couple of days previous, only busier. There were a lot of people receiving treatment. As it was very busy a nurse brought me to a side room where I would receive my treatment, rather than on the main ward. That was a relief for me as I was going to be in a room on my own. I was also told as I was in a side room Paschal could come in with me. That was great news for me, so I text him to let him know. I sat and looked around me and thought ‘here we go’; first song for the playlist (‘Hey Boy, Hey Girl’ by The Chemical Brothers). A nurse got me set up, which involved inserting a cannula into a vein through which the treatment would be administered. On the first attempt to insert the cannula, it didn’t take properly, second attempt, nope; third attempt and thankfully my veins behaved and the cannula was inserted. Step one of treatment done. Then the phesgo (targeted treatment) was administered, which was an injection into my leg. I put on my shorts for this to be done. I was told ‘a little prick of the needle, wiggle my toes, it might sting going in’, but it was ok, I didn’t feel a thing. It left a lump on my leg as the drug was very gloopy. I had to sit for about half an hour before the chemo could be started. This was the part I was worried about because I didn’t know the affect it would have on me. Two chemo drugs administered by a drip. Docetaxel and carboplatin, an hour each. Ok, I thought, the phesgo was fine, so I’ve got this!
Paschal had arrived, we had time on our hands, so why not take a few photos!
The nurses were so lovely, they made me completely at ease. I took a little head-wobble at the start and had a little tear talking about it all, I apologised, but the nurse said not to worry it was perfectly natural. Although the ward felt very busy, with a lot of hustle and bustle going on, the nurses took time and care throughout. They came in and out checking on me, telling me to press the buzzer if I needed anything or if the machine beeped. As I was writing, the machine beeped quite a bit, so I rang the buzzer quite a bit, but the nurses seemed unfazed by this and popped in and out to keep a check. One of the nurses asked me where I was from. As it turned out she knew one of Paschal’s cousin’s who had also been treated in Derry. She said I reminded her a lot of this person. I took that as a real compliment and sign I was been watched over as I have only ever heard great stories about this person, and again she was very well thought of in the cancer ward.
While I was sitting writing and listening to music Paschal arrived in, armed with sandwiches and coffee, thankfully as I was starving. I hadn’t prepared for the food part, but thought I’d be better organised for the next session. It was great having him part of this because he then knew what went on behind the scenes, in the chemo ward. We managed to add a few more songs to the playlist and chatted to the nurses as they came in and out. The few hours went by quickly enough. As I was leaving the ward all the nurses had a kind word for me, telling me they’d see me in a few weeks, reminding me to ring the helpline if I needed. For me, there was a tremendous feeling of community and care on the ward, a safe space where I was being really looked after. Although I still didn’t know what was ahead of me, I felt I was in good hands, which is as much as you can want at a time like that.
We left the hospital and I was feeling fine immediately afterwards. I didn’t know how I was going to respond to the treatment, or what to expect. However, the treatment didn’t stop there, it was to continue over the next few days. I had another injection to get the next day, to be given by the district nurse and more medication to take. So leaving that day I thought part one done, just move onto the next step! We headed for home and back to Bella.