11. The Week After Chemo - What I Wasn’t Prepared For
The day after my first chemo treatment I was feeling fine when I got up. I was able to eat, ‘bonus’, I thought! The district nurse was due to visit to administer the pelmeg. As advised by one of the nurses in the hospital, I placed the pelmeg in the fridge in preparation, but took it out that morning ready for the nurse. I decided to wait for the nurse to arrive and then take Bella for a short walk. I thought I might be up to that much. While I waited for the nurse I did some online shopping, looking for waterproof, breathable mattress protectors. There you go, how life had changed, I wasn’t looking for a new dress in Harry and George! But better safe than sorry!
The nurse arrived. Bella wasn’t used to people visiting the house. Well, when the knock came to the door Bella went ballistic, barking. I thought, ‘how am I to bring the nurse in?’ Fortunately she told me she was ok with dogs. Holding a tray of paraphernalia over her head she came in. The injection was given to my belly and took only minutes, a form was signed and that was it until the next treatment. I was also still taking steroids. I was feeling ok!
I decided to go out for a short walk. I didn’t know my capability but wanted to do what I could and keep things as normal as possible, but also not push it. I came across an article on a young girl Meg Horrocks who, at that time, had defied cancer. She talked about alternative treatments, she advocated heavily for alkaline water and keeping active. There we go, I decided, that was my goal. I followed her on Instagram and her story, I felt at the time, was quite inspirational. I wasn’t sure though if she had chemo, so I wasn’t sure I could maintain what she was advocating. The following day I was still able to eat, I was delighted with that! I knew I just had to take it each day at a time. But I was happy that, as yet, I didn’t feel too bad. I was beginning to feel a little spaced, I felt I had to concentrate more, but also I think I was filled with adrenaline and fear, not knowing what was going to happen. I again went for a short walk, my head wasn’t clear, but I was ok. I called to visit my parents as I wanted them to see I was doing ok. I was feeling pretty lucky so far as I was managing quite well, I thought. There’s that word again lucky!
Then I woke up on the Sunday, three days after the treatment. Bang! I was shattered, an exhaustion I’ve never felt before. But in the vein of sticking to my plan I decided I’d go for a walk with Paschal and Bella. Well, that was a big mistake. As I walked, it seemed like I wasn’t in my own body, I felt very dozy (well before anybody thinks it, more dozy than usual!), it felt like an awful hangover and I didn’t even have the good night out to show for it! We met some people I knew. They didn’t know I had cancer, nevermind that I had just started chemo. I had a chat with them, but all I kept thinking was they’re going to be wondering what was wrong with me. When we finished chatting, I told Paschal I needed to go home.
My brother contacted me to see if I was around for a visit, but I couldn’t face people. It wasn’t usual for me to refuse something, if someone was visiting I’d try to be there. But with cancer it was different and this was the first time I said ‘no’. Rather I went to bed and slept. This was the start of it, chemo was now part of my life and it was no joke!
I was told that after receiving the pelmeg my bones could be sore as it’s purpose was to generate white blood cells. Well that night I realised the pain of this. Oh I tossed and turned with the pain. I was told I could take paracetamol. I didn’t though as I thought there was too much pressure on my liver already and I didn’t want to add to it. So although I didn’t take the paracetamol on that occasion, I tell you what, every treatment after I took paracetamol. No point in suffering pain if I don’t have to, I thought.
It was after this that food started to become an issue. It was difficult to eat, but I thought I have to be healthy and get good food to make sure I was well enough for treatment, so I forced food into me. It wasn’t nice to taste, the textures were off, food wasn’t pleasurable, but I made myself eat. I was also still taking anti-sickness tablets, which to be fair weren’t great, I can’t explain why they weren’t great as it was just taking a tablet, but I felt like gagging everytime I took them. As the week progressed I got gradually worse, the nausea eased after about 8 days. Midweek my tongue started to burn. This was the first time I phoned the helpline. The nurses on the helpline were brilliant, nothing was a bother when I phoned. The quick response from the helpline made me aware early on that being a cancer patient was different to being a regular patient. Even at this stage, with everything that was happening, and although I should have realised it, I was still calculating in the back of my mind that this was serious. In regard to the burning tongue I was advised to phone my health centre; after following the process they responded quickly too. The GP who contacted me was the person to whom I first mentioned the lump. She had a conversation saying she was sorry to hear the outcome and ‘little did we think that day’. I told her I was never so glad to have mentioned it and I got the opportunity to thank her for her quick response. Regarding the burning tongue she said it sounded like thrush and prescribed something for me to take.
The week was hard for Bella also. She didn’t know what was going on and was trying to adjust to our new circumstances. Although I was with her all the time, it was different. I wasn’t able to play as much, I was lying on the sofa more, resting. She would lie at my feet or at the bottom of the bed. This wasn’t what I’d planned for her when she came to live with us. Paschal gave her as much attention as he could, but he also had to work. At the end of the first week after chemo, in the middle of the night I was awakened to Bella barking. It turned out she was unwell. I think she was picking up on the stress in the house, dogs are so astute and intune with their surroundings and I was only beginning to learn this from her. Paschal brought Bella to the vet the next day to have her checked. It was a relief to know she was fine.
During the first week after chemo I also started to have nose bleeds. They weren’t severe, but I phoned the helpline again and I was told to go to A&E to have bloods taken in case there was a concern. Off to A&E I went and my sister, being the only person who knew I was there, stopped in to see how I was. I burst into tears telling her about Bella, and what had happened during the night and how awful I felt. She reassured me that the situation and Bella would be ok. I was called for the appointment, so my sister left and in I went for more blood tests and checks. I remember thinking ‘this is just it, hospitals, hospital appointments’, I told myself to just settle and get on with it.
I did the best I could! Bella playing while I was having a rest.
I was sent home, my bloods thankfully were ok. I was told nose bleeds are a side effect of chemo treatment and if they persisted or were prolonged then I needed to be concerned. I was advised to put a little vaseline into my nostrils which could ease the bleeding. All advice was good advice. The smell of vaseline was too much in my nostrils, so instead I tried Dr. PawPaw original balm which was much better and effective.
After leaving the hospital I went home exhausted and went to bed for a sleep. Paschal and Bella returned home. I felt awful about the situation and was very emotional. I decided we needed some boundaries to help everyone. We agreed Bella was allowed anywhere in the house except the bedroom on my bad days, it had to be a Bella free zone as I needed somewhere hair free to go. We agreed to this and stuck to it in the most. Well, it moved from not allowed in the bedroom to not allowed on the bed. That bit we kept, and she is a clever girl and knew herself. When I’d lie in bed I’d hear her walk into the room, tail wagging around the bed to where I was and stand beside the bed for me to pet her. She was always in checking on me, making sure I was ok. Bella made everyday doable. I never in my widest dreams imagined that this little doggy could be such a crucial part to my cancer journey and recovery; and Bella was. On my bad days she was there checking in on me and on my better days she encouraged me to get outside for fresh air or a walk. The week following my first chemo session was a week of firsts. So much happened that I realised there was a lot I didn’t know about the side effects of treatment. As everything was such an unknown to me all I could do was to take it one day at a time and not plan for anything, nor look too far ahead. In that week I learned not only was I not prepared for the side effects from treatment, I also didn’t realise the support and care I’d get from our little doggy, Bella!