26. Ringing the Bell - Finishing Radiotherapy
The final day of radiotherapy arrived. I was exceptionally emotional! Emotionally, this was the hardest week I’d experienced so far. So much going on in my head, that I nearly decided not to ring the bell, but Paschal encouraged me to carry the day through as I’d planned. So I did just that. I’d thought the whole day out, brought a dress specifically for the occasion. I wanted to mark the end to this point. I got dressed up, put on some make up and we went on our way. I couldn’t stop crying. I don’t think I cried as much the day I was diagnosed. I think the whole experience to now was catching up with me. I realised I had been through so much, I had begun to learn a lot more about life and people, I was utterly exhausted and overwhelmed.
I went in for my appointment and I was brought down to the cubicles. As I walked to the radiotherapy room with the nurse I apologised for crying. What should have been a time to celebrate was overrun with emotion. After the treatment the nurse brought me down to the waiting room where the bell was ready to be rung, but the tears kept coming. As I entered the waiting room the nurse could see how emotional I was and directed me over to the other side and out of the room, to give me a minute to compose myself.
We returned to the waiting room and I got myself ready to ring the bell. There was a little rhyme to be said and direction to ring the bell three times. I did as needed and rang that bell. The nurses who treated me were there, Paschal was there with camera in hand, and a waiting room full of people. Everyone clapped as I rang. I thanked everyone, after that myself and Paschal left. I took a few minutes to compose myself and all I could think was ‘that’s it now done!’. Oddly as it might seem, I felt fortunate that I still had contact with the oncology team for the next six months because I remember walking out of the hospital that day and thinking if that was my treatment completely finished I would have felt completely lost.
Ringing the bell…part 1!
Afterwards I didn’t really know what to do. I have a friend who lives in Derry so we visited with her which was lovely, a bit of normal conversation. After this Paschal and myself went into Derry to get a celebratory lunch, and off home we went to collect Bella. She was at the dog-sitter, establishing her own relationship with a boisterous boy dog, see what happens when you turn your back for two minutes!
I started this blog saying I knew very little about cancer and one thing I have learned is the little amount that people, who have not been through it, understand about cancer. I say this because when my radiotherapy treatment ended a lot of people thought that was the end of my treatment, ‘she’s finished, she’s grand, get on with it’ type of attitude. I wasn’t finished I still had another 6 months of treatment to continue, and aside from the physical exhaustion of what I’d been through, there was also the emotional and mental exhaustion I needed to now wade through. While I had some very understanding people around me, I also had people who had no recognition for what had just happened and due to that, I suppose, they weren’t able to empathise. So while I was dealing with cancer I was also dealing with people. I consider myself to be quite resilient as a person, but I was tested and challenged at the most difficult time. All I was sure of at that time was I needed to look after myself and that meant I had to make changes to where I put my energy. During my treatment someone said to me that I had too much time to think, one thing cancer gave me was a lot of time to see. As hard as it is, for that I will always be grateful to cancer, for giving me the opportunity to see.
