28. Ringing the Hell Out of That Bell
The six months continued and I was getting used to my contact with the Cancer Unit lessening. I spent my time trying to rebuild myself. As I approached the end of targeted treatment a nurse asked if I was going to ring the bell. As I’d already rung it I hadn’t thought about ringing it again, but she said I could ring it as many times as I liked. As I was very emotional ringing it after radiotherapy I decided to ring it again to mark the end of one chapter and the beginning of the next.
I had my last treatment in my calendar as being the start of July 2024, a year almost to the day since I lost my hair. Prior to a treatment I would get a phonecall from a nurse to check in with how I was doing. So, before what I thought was my final treatment I got the phone call, but the nurse said they had miscalculated the number of sessions I had and I didn’t need to attend as I had received all necessary treatments. It felt like it was brushed off as ‘isn’t it great I didn’t have to make the journey to Derry’. Yes, it was, but I had myself built up to end this by ringing the bell. I know for some people they didn’t want to ring the bell for their own reasons, but for me I wanted to draw a line under it and move on, or so I thought! In that moment I felt like the ending was taken from me. When I explained this to the nurse she told me I could come to Derry at any time to ring the bell. I felt deflated by this but thought, as I’d planned to ring the bell, I’d still do it to mark the end.
So, my cancer treatment ended up the way it started, unexpected! I went to Derry a year prior and I knew there was a chance of being told I’d cancer, but I didn’t know for sure. On the last day I was sure I was getting my last treatment but I’d already received it without realising it. I decided to go to Derry the next day, as planned. The dog-sitter was all ready arranged for Bella, I had a gift and cupcakes for the nursing staff and a gift for my oncologist, so I decided to go ahead as we’d planned.
The next morning I woke up feeling awful but just thought it was due to the emotion of the previous day. Before leaving the house, as usual anytime going to Derry, I did a COVID test. Well, I couldn’t believe it, it was positive. So, there was the decision for the day made, I couldn’t go to Derry at all. I was gutted. Paschal brought cupcakes to the dog-sitter and explained that Bella wouldn’t be going to her. She was lovely, phoning me as a support and understanding how upset I was about it all. I had another friend who was also supportive, appreciating how hard I was finding this. While there were some who didn’t understand the way I was feeling, for me, there was/is nothing greater in the world than getting to the end of cancer treatment and being told everything was clear. That’s worth celebrating as many times as I feel I want to!
It was then planned to go two weeks later. On this occasion we brought Bella with us. While she wasn’t able to come into the hospital, she was able to be with us on the final day. On one hand I felt I was being overly dramatic, but now that I’ve done it, I’m so glad I did.
On my, eventual, final day I had an appointment with my oncologist. He talked to us about the Herceptin I received, which is the targeted drug for HER2+ cancer. He told us this treatment is the biggest breakthrough in medicine, not just cancer, but medicine, in the last 50 years. He said it has a 98% success rate. As Herceptin is so successful, he said Derry is taking part in research that is looking at whether it is necessary to administer Herceptin for a year after chemo, or whether it can be stopped at the same time as chemo. He said the next stage of research after that is to see if Herceptin can be used on its own to treat the cancer, without chemo. He told us that the type of cancer I had, when he started in this area of medicine, was one of the most dangerous, but there is such an advancement in treatment now, it is much more readily treated. That information, in itself, made the journey to Derry worthwhile.
Ringing the hell out of that bell!!
Paschal had made a beautiful piece of wall-art to give my oncologist to say thank you for everything he had done. We said our thank yous and goodbyes and then headed down to the treatment room, to the nurses, to say my thank yous there. And just like that my visits to North West Cancer Centre ended. I still get yearly check-up for five years. The team in Derry are available to me should I have any questions or worries, and if I have any concerns about possible recurrence I will be fast-tracked for an appointment. I have been in contact with them since as I took a wobble in the early part of 2025. I received an appointment very quickly which was reassuring, I was also relieved to have everything checked and to be told everything was clear.
It was strange leaving Derry that day, emotional and uncertain. The year of my treatment I had been in a state of emergency and urgency which, just like that, ended. However it was only the treatment that ended that day. I had been through cancer, I had received a heck of a lot of treatment, the experience was traumatic and now I had to come to terms with that. But where does a person start to allow themselves to come to terms with such a thing. I’m two years further on now and I still don’t have an answer for that.
